Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In by Roger Fisher and William Ury.

3/5 rating. 200 pages.

Book #81 of 2020. Read November 13, 2020.

This is a rather dry, but informative negotiation book. While there were some very good basic skills and ideas for negotiating, these can be summed up pretty simply: listen to the other side; separate the people from the topics – act tough on the problem, soft on the people; don’t deal with positions, look at what specific reasons each side has for what they are asking; use objective measures to weigh points; and act as a team to come up with ways in which all sides can have their problems addressed instead of looking for compromises of arbitrary positions. Also, as the authors say, “There is probably nothing in this book that you did not already know at some level of your experience.”

A few of the key quotes I thought were insightful:

“An apology may be one of the least costly and most rewarding investments you can make.”

“Listening enables you to understand their perceptions, feel their emotions, and hear what they are trying to say.”

“It has been said that the cheapest concession you can make to the other side is to let them know they have been heard.”

“Understanding is not agreeing. One can at the same time understand perfectly and disagree completely with what the other side is saying.”

“If you can put their case better than they can, and then refute it, you maximize the chance of initiating a constructive dialogue on the merits and minimize the chance of their believing you have misunderstood them.”

“The purpose of negotiating is to serve your interests. The chance of that happening increases when you communicate them.”

“Instead of asking them to justify what they did yesterday, ask, ‘Who should do what tomorrow?’”

While there was enough I took away from this book to not be a complete waste of my time, I figure any normal person would probably not agree. So just read the above takeaways and quotes and enjoy the few extra hours you saved reading something else!

Additional Quotes:

“As illustrated in these examples, the more attention that is paid to positions, the less attention is devoted to meeting the underlying concerns of the parties. Agreement becomes less likely. Any agreement reached may reflect a mechanical splitting of the difference between final positions rather than a solution carefully crafted to meet the legitimate interests of the parties. The result is frequently an agreement less satisfactory to each side than it could have been, or no agreement at all, when a good agreement was possible.”

“Allow the other side to let off steam.”

“On many occasions an apology can defuse emotions effectively, even when you do not acknowledge personal responsibility for the action or admit an intention to harm. An apology may be one of the least costly and most rewarding investments you can make.” 

“But unless you can convince them that you do grasp how they see it, you may be unable to get them to hear when you explain your viewpoint to them. Once you have made their case for them, then come back with the problems you find in their proposal. If you can put their case better than they can, and then refute it, you maximize the chance of initiating a constructive dialogue on the merits and minimize the chance of their believing you have misunderstood them.”

“If you make a statement about them that they believe is untrue, they will ignore you or get angry; they will not focus on your concern. But a statement about how you feel is difficult to challenge. You convey the same information without provoking a defensive reaction that will prevent them from taking it in.” 

“If you want someone to listen and understand your reasoning, give your interests and reasoning first and your conclusions or proposals later.”

“You will satisfy your interests better if you talk about where you would like to go rather than about where you have come from.”

“Separate the people from the problem.”

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