How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

4/5 rating. 224 pages.

Book #79 of 2020. Read October 30, 2020.

This is an amazing book that should be compulsory reading for everyone as it might bring back some ideas of kindness, compassion, and some semblance of goodwill towards each other.

This is an absolute classic in psychology and human relations. There are four sections, talking about how to handle people, how to make people like you, how to convince others, and how to operate as a leader. Dale’s ideas are very simple, but seem to have fallen out of favor: ideas such as treating others with respect, smiling, and thinking from other’s points of view. I was taught by my parents and teachers most of the principles in this book, but I think it is an absolute amazing overview and reminder as it is sometimes easy to fall back into criticism, and only thinking about ourselves.

Here are some of my favorite quotes:

– “Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain – and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”

– “Dr. [John] Dewey said that the deepest urge in human nature is ‘the desire to be important.’”

– “I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”

– “The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage.”

Everyone should go out and read this phenomenal book!

Additional Quotes:

“Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.”

“‘I will speak ill of no man,’ [Benjamin Franklin] said, ‘and speak all the good I know of everybody.’”

“‘A great man shows his greatness,’ said Carlyle ‘by the way he treats little men.’”

“Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness.”

“Try leaving a friendly trail of little sparks of gratitude on your daily trips. You will be surprised to know how they will set small flames of friendship that will be rosy beacons on your next visit.”

“If there is any one secret of success it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.” – Henry Ford

“People who can put themselves in the place of other people, who can understand the workings of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store for them.”

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

“I am grateful because these people come to see me. They make it possible for me to make my living in a very agreeable way. I’m going to give them the very best I possibly can.”

“If we want to make friends, let’s put ourselves out to do things for other people – things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness.”

“Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, ‘I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you.’”

“[P]eople rarely succeed at anything unless they have fun doing it.”

“I have also eliminated criticism from my system. I give appreciation and praise now instead of condemnation. I have stopped talking about what I want. I am now trying to see the other person’s viewpoint. And these things have literally revolutionized my life. I am a totally different man, a happier man, a richer man, richer in friendships and happiness – the only things that matter much after all.”

“Abe Lincoln once remarked that ‘most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.’”

“Your smile is a messenger of your goodwill. Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it.”

“Jim Farley discovered early in life that the average person is more interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on earth put together. Remember that name and call it easily, and you have paid a subtle and very effective compliment. But forget it or misspell it – and you have placed yourself at a sharp disadvantage.”

“But I had done this: I had listened intently. I had listened because I was genuinely interested. And he felt it. Naturally that pleased him. That kind of listening is one of the highest compliments we can pay anyone.”

“Listen first. Give your opponents a chance to talk. Let them finish. Do not resist, defend or debate. This only raises barriers. Try to build bridges of understanding. Don’t build higher barriers of misunderstanding.

Look for areas of agreement. When you have heard your opponents out, dwell first on the points and areas on which you agree.

Be honest. Look for areas where you can admit error and say so. Apologize for your mistakes. It will help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness.

Promise to think over your opponents’ ideas and study them carefully. And mean it.”

“My wife and I made a pact a long time ago, and we’ve kept it no matter how angry we’ve grown with each other. When one yells, the other should listen, because when two people yell, there is no communication, just noise and bad vibrations.”

“When we are right, let’s try to win people gently and tactfully to our way of thinking, and when we are wrong – and that will surprisingly often, if we are honest with ourselves – let’s admit our mistakes quickly and with enthusiasm.”

“The next time we are tempted to tell someone he or she is wrong, let’s remember old Socrates and ask a gentle question – a question that will get the ‘yes, yes’ response.”

“He who treads softly goes far.” – Chinese proverb

“Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.”

“Merely stating a truth isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, and dramatic. You have to use showmanship.”

“Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.”

“The average person…can be led readily if you have his or her respect and if you show that you respect that person for some kind of ability.” – Samuel Vauclain

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