How to Change: The Science of Getting From Where You are to Where You Want to Be by Katy Milkman.
4/5 rating. 201 pages.
Book #52 of 2023. Read December 11, 2023.
This is a fantastic book with real, science-backed tools for change. I found this really useful in thinking through the goals I have for myself this upcoming year.
Katy has each chapter about “tackling the obstacles to change” and includes an end-of-chapter overview about the key takeaways for change from each section.
Katy covers:
– When to start. Fresh starts have incredible staying power, whether that is a new year, a new chapter in life, or even just a Monday.
– Impulsivity. She talks about “temptation bundling” pairing something you don’t like to do, with something you enjoy – think listening to an audiobook ONLY at the gym.
– Procrastination. We need to be honest with ourselves about the amount of willpower that we have to affect change in our lives. Setting up “commitment devices” that require you to complete a goal or face a heavy cost can be powerful. Just realize “many of us choose not to adopt commitment devices because we undervalue them or are naïve about how much we need them, not because we don’t need them…”
– Forgetfulness. We often have these great and impactful goals for ourselves. Unfortunately, these can be hamstrung by laziness, distraction, and forgetting. In order to counteract the last one, you should build cue-based plans right before you want to do something, by saying: “When ____ happens, I’ll do _____.” And then following through on a simple step.
– Laziness. Make doing the task you want yourself to do a part of your routine, and give yourself rewards while building the habit and it will eventually stick. Especially if you give yourself flexibility within the habit, like going to the gym at different times of day when you have something come up at your usual time.
– Confidence. To help people succeed, ask them their advice: it gives them confidence and helps them talk through problems.
– Conformity. The people around you impact your effectiveness at achieving your goals. This social pressure can be positive if we surround ourselves with big achievers. Even more powerfully, find someone who is succeeding at what you want and “copy and paste” what they’re doing.
Quotes I Found Interesting:
“This and a great deal of other data suggest that many of us choose not to adopt commitment devices because we undervalue them or are naïve about how much we need them, not because we don’t need them or are unwilling to risk the penalty.”
“This finding makes it clear: Reminders work far, far better when we act on them immediately.”
“When ____ happens, I’ll do _____.”
“Plans don’t change minds – they only help us remember to do the things we already want to do.”
“Almost everyone knew what to do to overcome their problems; they just weren’t doing it.”
“As a psychologist, Lauren knew that people are quick to infer implicit messages in the actions of others, even when no such message is intended.”
“Encouraging someone to share their wisdom conveys that they’re intelligent, capable of helping others, a good role model, and the kind of person who succeeds.”
“What we think we’re capable of is crucial when it comes to behavior change.”
“The next time you’re falling short of a goal, look to high-achieving peers for answers.”
“You’re likely to go further faster if you find the person who’s already achieving what you want to achieve and copy and paste their tactics thsn if you simply let social forces influence you through osmosis.”
“‘When we diagnose someone with diabetes, we don’t put them on insulin for a month, take them off of it, and expect them to be cured.’ In medicine, doctors recognize that chronic diseases require a lifetime of treatment. Why do we assume that behavior change is any different?”
“When you use the tools in this book tp overcome whatever internal obstacle you face on your journey to create change, recognize that you’ll want to use them not once or twice or for a month or for a year or two, but permanently.”
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