The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living by His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Howard Cutler.

3/5 rating. 286 pages.

Book #3 of 2023. Read January 19, 2023.

This book was written from Howard’s many interviews and talks with the Dalai Lama. Especially right now, I was hoping for some easy tips and tricks towards attaining happiness, unfortunately, it’s not necessarily that simple.

While not always the most interesting book, I thought that there were some good tidbits of advice and direction towards living a happier life. The book had a rather grand goal:

“It is our hope that you can apply the ideas presented in this book to your own life, and thereby discover a way to transcend suffering and adversity, and find a life of genuine and lasting happiness.” Not necessarily sure it reached that.

Some Quotes I Liked:

• “Seek learning even if you were to die tomorrow.”
• “Yes, happiness is possible – in fact, we can train in happiness in much the same way that we train in any other skill, directly cultivating it through effort and practice.”
• “The second, and more reliable, method is not to have what we want but rather to want and appreciate what we have.”

And a good quote that summarizes a lot of the ideas:

“The purpose of our life is happiness. That simple statement can be used as a powerful tool in helping us navigate through life’s daily problems. From that perspective, our task becomes one of discarding the things that lead to suffering and accumulating the things that lead to happiness. The method, the daily practice, involves gradually increasing our awareness and understanding of what truly leads to happiness and what doesn’t.”

Additional Quotes:

“Scientific studies have shown that happy people are more likely to attract a mate, enjoy stronger and more satisfying marriages, and are better parents. Happy people are also healthier, with better immune function and less cardiovascular disease. There is even evidence that happy individuals live up to ten years longer than their less happy peers! In addition, happiness leads to better mental health, greater resilience, and an increased capacity to deal with adversity and trauma.”

“Once we conclude that the basic nature of humanity is compassionate rather than aggressive, our relationship to the world around us changes immediately. Seeing others as basically compassionate instead of hostile and selfish helps us relax, trust, live at ease. It makes us happier.”

“The desire for intimacy is the desire to share one’s innermost self with another.” – Dr. Dan McAdams 

“Bodily contact, sharing emotions, thoughts, and exchanging ideas are all legitimate ways of connecting with those we love. It is normal for the balance to wax and wane: sometimes physical closeness decreases but emotional closeness can increase; at other times we don’t feel like sharing words but just want to be held. If we are sensitive to this issue, we can rejoice in the initial bloom of passion in a relationship, but if it cools, instead of feeling worry or anger, we can open ourselves to new forms of intimacy that can be equally—or perhaps more—satisfying. We can delight in our partner as a companion, enjoy a steadier love, a deeper bond.”

“Levels of intimacy change, with periods of greater intimacy alternating with periods of greater distance. This is also part of the normal cycle of growth and development. To reach our full potential as human beings, we need to be able to balance our needs for closeness and union with times when we must turn inward, with a sense of autonomy, to grow and develop as individuals.”

“So, the act of acceptance, of acknowledging that change is a natural part of our interactions with others, can play a vital role in our relationships. We may discover that it is at the very time when we may feel most disappointed, as if something has gone out of the relationship, that a profound transformation can occur. These transitional periods can become pivotal points when true love can begin to mature and flower.”

“Whatever steps, however small, one can take toward learning to reduce the influence of the negative emotions can be very helpful.”

“If you were able to help only 30 percent of your patients, then I might suggest that you consider another profession. But I think you’re doing fine. In my case people also come to me for help. Many are looking for miracles, for miraculous cures, and so on, and of course I can’t help everybody. But I think the main thing is motivation—to have a sincere motivation to help. Then you just do the best you can, and you don’t have to worry about it.”

“If you develop a pure and sincere motivation, if you are motivated by a wish to help on the basis of kindness, compassion, and respect, then you can carry on any kind of work, in any field, and function more effectively with less fear or worry, not being afraid of what others think or whether you ultimately will be successful in reaching your goal.”

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