It Takes a Village: And Other Lessons Children Teach Us by Hillary Rodham Clinton.

3/5 rating. 318 pages.

Book #71 of 2020. Read October 11, 2020.

This is a great book for any parent – and probably anyone else in the proverbial village – to read about the impact we have on children.

Hillary does a great job showing how small efforts in improving health, interaction, and affection toward a child especially early in their lives can have massive impacts on their future lives. While we much too often think that parents are alone in this task:

“Each of us plays a part in every child’s life: It takes a village to raise a child.”

Though we so often shirk our responsibilities,

“Even now, in ways we cannot yet feel or recognize, the village in which our children will raise their children, is taking shape. It is up to us to think carefully about what kind of legacy we want to leave them.”

This can feel like a scary thought. But their future is in our hands and they don’t need everything.

“The one most important thing kids need to help them survive in this world is someone who’s crazy about them.”

The US loves the rhetoric that we care about our children, but continually prove we don’t give a damn. Hillary does such a good job talking about the ways that we can support parents, move to a stronger safety net, and give aid and sustenance to families, but as long as we act like these children’s lives are just another asset on a balance sheet that aren’t worth the cost, we will miss out on setting this country’s future up as a bright one.

This book has a lot of great information on small ideas that will help parents, and in turn their children. As Gabriela Mistral says:

“Many things we need can wait. The child cannot.”

“A civilization flourishes when people plant trees under whose shade they will never sit.”

Quotes:

“We don’t join civic associations, churches, unions, political parties, or even bowling leagues the way we used to.”

“Even though our national rhetoric proclaims that children are our most important resource, we squander these precious lives as though they do not matter.”

“For good or ill, our families and the environments in which we live are the backdrop against which we play out our entire lives. Families shape our futures; our early family experiences heavily influence, and to a degree determine, how we forever after think and behave. At the same time, our families are shaped by the forces at work in the larger society – and by the village, whether it is a suburb or a ghetto, in which the family lives.”

“Even now, in ways we cannot yet feel or recognize, the village in which our children will raise their children, is taking shape. It is up to us to think carefully about what kind of legacy we want to leave them.” 

“If I could say just one thing to parents, it would be simply that a child needs someone who believes in him no matter what he does.” – Alice Keliher

“The human family assumes many forms and always has.”

“It seems to me that you adults do a lot of talking and nothing more.”

“What a family looks like to outsiders is not as important as whether adults know what children need to develop positively, and work to fulfill their responsibilities to each other and to their children.”

“By the time the children were three years old, those in the experimental group of children averaged 17 points higher on IQ tests than the other half of the original group, 101 versus 84.” – about Dr. Ramey experiments at UNC

“The next time you hear someone using the word ‘investment’ to describe what we need to do for our younger, more vulnerable family members, think about the investments the village has the power to make in children’s first few weeks, months, and years. They will reap us all extraordinary dividends as children travel through the crucial stages of cognitive and emotional development to come.”

“We are not giving enough attention to what ought to be our highest priority: educating and empowering people to be the best parents possible.”

“Family planning, more than just limiting the number of children parents have, protects the welfare of existing and future children.”

“It is a modern miracle that we are able to save thousands of babies who would have died if they had been born a few years ago and that we can help thousands more to develop normally. In many cases, however, good prenatal care and emergency obstetric services could have averted the need for medical heroics altogether.”

“A psychologist at the University of Miami recently studied two groups of premature babies. Both groups of infants were given state-of-the-art medical care and proper nutrition, but one group also received gentle, loving stroking for forty-five minutes each day. The babies who were touched warmly every day gained weight and developed so rapidly that they were ready to go home six days earlier than babies in the other group.”

“Many things we need can wait. The child cannot. Now is the time his bones are being formed; his blood is being made; his mind is being developed. To him we cannot say tomorrow. His name is today.” – Gabriela Mistral

“‘Significant’ moments arise out of long stretches of togetherness that may look uneventful to us but are crucial to helping children develop, both emotionally and intellectually.”

“In fact, child development experts believe ‘unhurried time’ with a few loving adults is as important to children as good health and a safe environment.”

“Practically from the time children have learned the words to ‘Itsy Bitsy Spider,’ we are already ranking them: ‘She sings well.’ ‘He’s tone-deaf.’ Why not encourage them all? Eventually the ones destined to be great singers will emerge from the pack. In the meantime, other children – even tone-deaf ones like me – may enjoy singing for the mere pleasure and sense of belonging it brings.”

“Children’s linguistic accomplishments appear to have less to do with the economic and educational advantages of their families than with the ways in which their parents communicate with them. Regardless of material advantages, children whose parents spoke frequently and affirmatively with them had larger vocabularies, as measured at age three. Follow-up testing in the third grade confirmed that the benefits of early language exposure persist, and do not seem to be caused by other factors, such as race or schooling.”

“Even in casual daily interactions with children, parents are teachers, and home is a child’s first and most important classroom.”

“We need to teach children to take responsibility for their own weight, rather than passing the buck to genetics or a slow metabolism. Although diet is not an exact science, and we differ in the amounts and kinds of foods we can healthily consume, these physiological factors account for only a small number of overweight people.”

“All children, especially in today’s stressful world, need the joyful release of free play as well as healthful exercise.”

“In the 33 years since Dr. C. Henry Kempe first described the Battered Child Syndrome, more children have died from child abuse and neglect than from urban gang wars, AIDS, polio, or measles; yet the contrast in public attention and commitment of resources is vast.”

“In 1993 alone, nearly 140,000 children were reported as victims of sexual abuse. No one can calculate how many more cases of sexual abuse go unreported.”

“There are few misfortunes in this world you cannot turn into personal triumphs if you have the iron will and necessary skills.” – Nelson Mandela

“Do you want to be the lead actor in your life, or a minor player who simply reacts to what others think you should say or do?”

“‘Discipline means “teaching,” not punishment.’ Instead of just telling children what they can and can’t do, we should be teaching them to weigh their options and to make responsible choices – first by making choices for them and explaining our decisions, then, little by little, by letting them choose for themselves. The goal is self-disciplined autonomy.”

“[L]ove comes first, and discipline second.”

“I wish we would all take a deep breath and remember that sex has been around for a long, long time and we are all here because of it. It is an important part of who we are and how we live, and there should be no shame in our children’s curiosity about it. If we could accept that, we could begin talking to children, as soon as they could understand what we were saying, about the importance of honoring their bodies and entering into relationships responsibly.”

“Preaching is a distant second to practicing when it comes to instilling values like compassion, courage, faith, fellowship, forgiveness, love, peace, hope, wisdom, prayer, and humility.”

“There is probably no more important task parents – and the rest of the village – face than raising children not only to tolerate but to respect the differences among people and to recognize the rewards that come from serving others.”

“Everything becomes possible by the mere presence of someone who knows how to listen, to live, and to give of himself.” – Elie Wiesel

“Everybody can be great because everybody can serve.” – MLK

“My mother taught my brothers and me that helping others was not only an obligation but a privilege.”

“It is often said that children are our last and best hope for the future, and that if we want society to evolve, we must teach the next generation the importance of active citizenship. Teaching children how to become good citizens and giving them an appreciation of governance is another way to elicit their natural empathy, compassion, idealism, and thirst for service.”

“We need to understand that there is no formula for how women should lead their lives. That is why we must respect the choices that each woman deserves the chance to realize her God-given potential.”

“Children learn what they see. When they see their fathers cooking dinner or changing the baby’s diaper, they’ll grow up knowing that caregiving is a human trait, rather than a female one. When they see their mothers changing tires or changing fuses, they’ll accept troubleshooting as a human quality, rather than a male one. We should be mindful of the messages we send them as well as the behavior we demonstrate.”

“‘How,’ I asked, ‘can you transcend your political differences and come to an agreement on the issue of government-subsidized child care?’ One after another of them looked at me in astonishment. ‘How can you not invest in children and expect to have a healthy country?’ was the reply I heard over and over again.”

“The sad fact is that, unlike the French, we Americans have never sufficiently valued the work of caring for children.”

“And what does it say about our view of child care when we pay more to the garage attendant who parks our car than the person who is responsible for our children all day?”

“Children are likely to live up to what you believe of them.” – Lady Bird Johnson

“But, after a dozen years of involvement in education reform, I’m convinced that the biggest obstacles many students face in learning are the low expectations we have of them and their schools.”

“By allowing, with no control, this concentration of enormous enterprises in the hands of a few…many evils have arisen….We must recognize that the great corporations have established themselves, and that we must control and regulate them, so that big business does not obtain advantages at the expense of the smaller. Moreover, we must insist on the principles of cooperation and the mutual sharing of employer and employee in the gains produced, so that the future prosperity of the great corporations is divided in the most equitable way among all those who participate in creating it.” – Teddy Roosevelt

“That is, in part, what this book is about: how we can act together as a village to strengthen families and enable them to obtain from outside institutions the assistance they need to raise strong children and to protect themselves from influences that threaten to undermine parental authority.”

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