the sun and her flowers by Rupi Kaur. 

5/5 rating. 256 pages.

Book #49 of 2020. Read July 29, 2020.

This is an absolutely beautiful book of poetry and illustrations. Rupi is so good at talking about the topics of pain, anguish, and trauma, but then works through her hurt and shows her process of healing and self-acceptance and self-love.

As we all face these hard times of despair, grief, and hopelessness, Rupi’s mother tells her:

“think of those flowers you plant

in the garden each year

they will teach you

that people too

must wilt

fall

root

rise

in order to bloom”

Rupi starts with her depression and trauma and self-hate:

“i wonder if i am

beautiful enough for you

or if i am beautiful at all”

“the irony of loneliness

is we all feel it

at the same time

– together”

But she realizes life goes on:

“rise

said the moon

and the new day came

the show must go on said the sun

life does not stop for anybody”

Then, Rupi begins to accept love:

“i would scrub the self-hate off the bone

till it exposed love”

“if i am the longest relationship

of my life

isn’t it time to

nurture intimacy

and love

with the person

i lie in bed with each night”

“there is

nothing left

to worry about

the sun and her flowers are here.”

Rupi’s poetry is so elegant, primal, and beautiful. It speaks to the pain in all of us. I stridently recommend everyone read it as I absolutely loved this book!

Quotes:

“it isn’t what we left behind

that breaks me

it’s what we could’ve built

had we stayed”

“what does love look like the therapist asks

one week after the breakup

and i’m not sure how to answer her question

except for the fact that i thought love

looked so much like you”

“i think i just wanted something

was ready to give myself to something

i believed was bigger than myself”

“but i think love starts here

everything else is just desire and projection

of all our wants needs and fantasies

but those externalities could never work out

if we didn’t turn inward and learn

how to love ourselves in order to love other people”

“love does not look like a person

love is our actions

love is giving all we can

even if it’s just the bigger slice of cake”

“i wonder if i am

beautiful enough for you

or if i am beautiful at all”

“what do i care

if you love me

or miss me

or need me

when you aren’t doing anything about it”

“rise

said the moon

and the new day came

the show must go on said the sun

life does not stop for anybody

it drags you by the legs

whether you want to move forward or not

that is the gift

life will force you to forget how you long for them

your skin will shed till there is not

a single part of you left they’ve touched

your eyes finally just your eyes

not the eyes which held them

you will make it to the end

of what is only the beginning

go on

open the door to the rest of it”

“i hardened under the last loss. it took something human out of me.”

“a lot of times

we are angry at other people

for not doing what

we should have done for ourselves”

“they did not tell me it would hurt like this

no one warned me

about the heartbreak we experience with friends”

“when you broke into my home

it never felt like mine again

i can’t even let a lover in without getting sick

i lose sleep after the first date

lose my appetite

become more bone and less skin

forget to breathe

every night my bedroom becomes a psych ward

where panic attacks turn men

into doctors to keep me calm”

“i reduced my body to aesthetics

forgot the work it did to keep me alive

with every beat and breath

declared it a grand failure for not looking like theirs

searched everywhere for a miracle

foolish enough to not realize

i was already living in one

the irony of loneliness

is we all feel it

at the same time

– together“

“why do i do this

why do i punish my body

for being exactly as it’s meant to be”

“we have been dying

since we got here

and forgot to enjoy the view”

“said i can avoid all this trouble

if i just learn to act like a lady

but the problem is

that doesn’t even make sense

I can’t wrap my head around the fact

that i have to convince half the world’s population

my body is not their bed

i am busy learning the consequences of womanhood

when i should be learning science and math instead”

“when the world comes crashing at your feet

it’s okay to let others

help pick up the pieces”

“yes

It is possible

to hate and love someone

at the same time

i do it to myself

every day”

“somewhere along the way

i lost the self-love

and became my greatest enemy”

“when i hit the rock bottom

that exists after the rock bottom

and no rope or hand appeared

i wondered

what if nothing wants me

because i do not want me”

“- i am both the poison and the antidote

first

i went for my words

the i can’t‘s. i won’t‘s. i am not good enough‘s.

i lined them up and shot them dead

then i went for my thoughts

invisible and everywhere”

“i would scrub the self-hate off the bone

till it exposed love”

“if i am the longest relationship

of my life

isn’t it time to 

nurture intimacy

and love

with the person

i lie in bed with each night”

“i woke up thinking the work was done

i would not have to practice today

how naive to think healing was that

easy”

“think of those flowers you plant

in the garden each year

they will teach you

that people too

must wilt

fall

root

rise

in order to bloom“

“she said be tender and tough at once

you need to be vulnerable to live fully

but rough enough to survive it all“

“you tell the woman beside you

this boat is not strong enough to carry

this much sorrow to a shore

what does it matter she says

if drowning is easier than staying“

“borders

are man-made

they only divide us physically

don’t let them make us

turn on each other”

“when i am about to shatter

i think of your strength

and harden”

“what if

there isn’t enough time

to give her

what she deserves

do you think

if i begged the sky hard enough

my mother’s soul would

return to me as my daughter

so i can give her

the comfort she gave me

my whole life”

“if i’m going to share my life with a partner

it would be foolish not to ask myself

twenty years from now

is this person going to be

someone i still laugh with

or am i just distracted by their charm

do i see us evolving into

new people by the decade

or does the growing ever come to a pause

i don’t want to be distracted

by the looks or the money

i want to know if they pull

the best or the worst out of me

deep at the core are our values the same

in thirty years will we still

jump into bed like we’re twenty

can i picture us in old age

conquering the world

like we’ve got young blood

running in our veins”

“the right one does not

stand in your way

they make space for you

to step forward”

“when death

takes my hand

i will hold you with the other

and promise to find you

in every lifetime”

“for if we can’t learn to be kind to each other how will we ever learn to be kind to the most desperate parts of ourselves.”

“give yourself to a few

and to those few

give heavily”

“to hate

is an easy lazy thing

but to love

takes strength

everyone has

but not all are

willing to practice”

“when i go

let it be a celebration

for i have been here

i have lived

i have won at this game called life”

“it was when i stopped searching for home within others

and lifted the foundations of home within myself

i found there were no roots more intimate

than those between mind and body

that have decided to be whole”

“it is a trillion-dollar industry that would collapse

if we believed we were beautiful enough already”

“their concept of beauty

is manufactured

i am not”

“we need more love

not from men

but from ourselves

and each other”

“bring your hammers and fists

we have a glass ceiling to shatter”

“if you have never

stood with the oppressed

there is still time”

“here i go. stronger and wiser into the new.”

“there is 

nothing left

to worry about

the sun and her flowers are here.”

“and then there are days when the simple act of breathing leaves you exhausted. it seems easier to give up on this life. the thought of disappearing brings you peace. for so long i was lost in a place where there was no sun. where there grew no flowers. but every once in a while out of the darkness something i loved would emerge and bring me to life again. witnessing a starry sky. the lightness of laughing with old friends. a reader who told me the poems had saved their life. yet there i was struggling to save my own. my darlings. living is difficult. it is difficult for everybody. and it is at that moment when living feels like crawling through a pin-sized hole. that we must resist the urge of succumbing to bad memories. refuse to bow before bad months or bad years. cause our eyes are starving to feast on this world. there are so many turquoise bodies of water left for us to dive in. there is family. blood or chosen. the possibility of falling in love. with people and places. hills high as the moon. valleys that roll into new worlds. and road trips. i find it deeply important to accept that we are not the masters of this place. we are her visitors. and like guests let’s enjoy this place like a garden. let us treat it with a gentle hand. so the ones after us can experience it too. let’s find our own sun. grow our own flowers. the universe delivered us with the light and the seeds. we might not hear it at times but the music is always on. it just needs to be turned louder. for as long as there is breath in our lungs – we must keep dancing.”

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